How does God fit into all of this?

Well, believe me...I have prayed to God about J and I from the very beginning.  I prayed that God do something drastic, because I'm not very good at picking up on hints.  When J and I broke up, it didn't hurt my faith at all really, but hit my mom more.  I did feel at peace about it though, cause as I said before, I got the same answer from 3 people.  She has been praying for me for this since I was 12....and has felt for a long time that God had failed her.  First with the guy I was engaged to for 6 months 6 years ago, then with J being of the faith he is, and now with God even taking him away from me.  She just didn't understand.  Neither did I to be honest....

Soon after we decided to try to work things out I started a 54 day rosary, for the intention of clear discernment.  Now, this was a big undertaking for me, because I had never been able to even complete a 9 day novena.  I mean, I pray regularly, but apparently those are a stumbling block for me.  I started the day before lent began....which had be ending on Divine Mercy Sunday...quite by accident!  Anyway, I seem to have gotten many things that I would deem as "signs" but got such differing ones that I ended the novena on a very low note.  I felt abandoned to some degree.  Like God's will was that He wouldn't tell me His will.  To be honest until a couple days I've been struggling with that.  I've done all the "right" things to try to discern His will....but it just wasn't clear to me.

While I was in Florida, a friend that I meet with regularly e-mailed me this blog:

http://littlecatholicbubble.blogspot.com/2011/05/catholic-freedom-of-choice-is-freedom.html

 

It discussed how when there is no moral harm to a choice, than you have freedom to decide whichever.  You don't have to agonize over it.  While I knew this already in theory, it was wonderful to read an article that really exponded on it! 

A couple days ago I met with my friend A.  She gave some good suggestions of praying about just parts of the decision.  For example, I have been mostly worried about my kids not being faithful when they grow up because of the mixed messages that they may see at home.  I mean J agreed to go to Mass and raise them Catholic and even believes a lot of the same things that we do.  However, he still wouldn't be going up for Communion and by the time they hit kindergarten I'm sure they'll be asking questions.

So, I brought that to our Lord a couple nights ago.  And was filled with peace when I thought about dating a Catholic instead of J.  So apparently I should break up with him since he hasn't made many moves toward the faith recently.

However, last night I was having a conversation with my guardian angel, whose name I believe to be Timmy.  And during that time I felt very peaceful about J and I working out.  So I am confused now, however, since I'm finally getting some peace from time to time I do feel better overall and am now back to believing that God will lead me and I am more open to both options.