Confusing as usual

So a friend of mine last week told me if I wasn't getting answers to a bigger question - basically should I marry J or not, that I should concentrate on the smaller things that are bothering me, such as religion.  So I took that to prayer the next night.  And I thought I finally got an answer, because I felt peace when I thought about marrying a Catholic.  However, since this wasn't the answer I really wanted to hear I gave God some time to "change His mind".  I know, silly. 

The next weekend my family and I got most of the landscaping done in my backyard....which I wanted to get done before dropping the bomb.  I want to give them time to process where they don't feel the need to be around me for awhile.  And I thought I finally was going to get that on Memorial Day.  However, my Aunt L from AZ shows up on our doorstep with two of my cousin's kids (ages 7 and 3) out of the blue and hopping mad!  Apparently my Aunt was ticked that we made the trip to see them the past few years without "letting" her come here and this was her punishment to us.  Yes, my grandfather really did do a number on my Mom and her!  Anyway, after staying for 2 days (who does this?!) with two of the most self-centered, obnoxious kids....the drama continues because Mom wants to make sure this never happens again.  So, she has been dwelling on that for an entire week now....crying off and on....a real mess.  I think there could be a real break-down between the sisters.  In fact, Mom asked me if I would be OK if my Aunt and cousin wouldn't be invited to my wedding someday.  I have to admit I have mixed feelings on the subject.  For one thing, my Mom stressed is not fun to be around....so them not being there would decrease the stress level of the situation.  However, they are basically all my family on that side of my family....so I would feel so weird about that!  It is kind of like cutting my extended family in half!  So, anyway.....she is in no position to hear my "bad news".  So it looks like that will be put off until after Dad's 60th b-day now since that is about 12 days away and I don't want to ruin that.  The one plus side is that now we are much closer to the 6 month mark that I originally told my folks that Jared could contact me after....so I don't have to explain how we got back together.  I will obviously be hiding how long we've been seeing each other though.

So, last week I also met with my spiritual director of sorts....she is mostly a relationship director.  We talked about how I had recently "discovered" that my passion in life is my religion.  Not shocking to anyone that knows me....but it has been slowly been becoming more and more a part of my daily life.  2 to 3 nights a week I have activities related to it, I listen to Catholic radio about 50% of the time, began saying a daily rosary 3 months ago, and even occasionally watch EWTN now!  During our discussion we decided that I needed to bring up my doubts to J as soon as possible (I would have done it the weekend before but refer to the last paragraph) and let the chips fall where they may.....I wasn't too optimistic....