I just don't know....

So, since I am meeting with J's counselor today....I asked J last night if he was in a place where we could work on us.  He said yes, but didn't think we needed to work on us....just had to get to a place to deal with my folks.  I told him the whole religion thing was still big for me.  And, I'm pretty sure that it isn't just Catholic vs. Lutheran....I think it is the fact that he has barely any spiritual curiosity.  He is happy just going to service once a week.  He wanted to know why we had gotten back together if this was so big for me.  Well, I told him that the first year we were together he showed signs of that.  He asked questions about Catholicism (not a ton - but ever once in awhile), checked out Catholicism for Dummies from the library and read it without any suggestion from me, went on a retreat - after which we had a spectacular faith conversation.  Then it all stopped.  And gradually he didn't come to Mass with me anymore.  And he came to resent me wanting him to go to CCD just to learn more.  When I found out why we broke up (my parents disapproval), I thought that the J of the first year would reappear after a time.  And every time I try to prod him in that direction (I suggest something approximately once a month)...he gets defensive and doesn't seem to have interest.  During those conversations, he usually looks like he is about to do something to start...and then never follows through.  I told him that I feel like I just nag him about this - and it isn't like he enjoys it either.  He said it just isn't natural to him.  I had suggested about 3 weeks ago that we should do a little Bible reading together and discuss...and he thought that was a decent idea.  I left it up to him as to how we would do this....and I didn't hear anything.  I sent an e-mail reminder and....nothing.  He said last night that I should just decide how we would do it...and we'd try.  I told him how it wasn't something I enjoyed at first to listen to catholic radio in the car....but I did it cause I wanted that time to go to a better use than it was.  I actually like it now and listen about 50% of the time.  Same for reading catholic blogs....I had free time at work and I started to think 3 months ago that I should do something better with that time....now I really enjoy it.  Same with going to chapel at night.  It is all about making good habits in my life....I'm not perfect and I sometimes really drag my feet when it comes to this stuff....but I force myself because in the end I know it will take me closer to God.  I just don't know if I can go through life with someone that is content with where he is.  I mean, J is great....he goes out of his way for others and is very generous with his time....so he does live the faith....probably better than me.  He pointed this out to me last night.  Is that enough?  He said this summer the main reason he hasn't converted is because he wants to feel called to be Catholic.  I just realized in the last couple weeks....that saying that without even trying to learn about your own faith seems kind of empty.  Or maybe not?  I don't know.  All I know is that until I feel better about us...dealing with my folks will be impossible because I won't have the faith that I am fighting for the right thing.  We are both fighting against breaking up cause we desperately don't want to loose what we've built.  He really is amazing....I don't know what my problem is.  <sigh>