OK...maybe not!

So...there was a snow storm here on Thursday..so I was unable to see J and have the conversation with him.  Since that night...he has said a few things that confuse my confidence in this decision.  He has bought a devotional book for us to read together.  He went to a Christina business men's lunch on Thursday and spent 15 minutes in silent prayer that evening.  And yesterday he asked me some good questions about confession and why priests can't reveal if they hear about a heinous crime.  Also, after Mass yesterday I asked if he believed if Jesus was in the tabernacle.  He responded that since Jesus is everywhere it isn't hard for him to believe that he is in the tabernacle.  So, I asked if he could perhaps start bowing or something when in church.  He was surprised that you didn't have to be Catholic to do this and said he would from then on.  Maybe in my slowness, I've still been too hasty.  I might still bring up religion and our relationship next time I see him and see how that conversation goes.  It still could go rather poorly and end in us breaking up....but I'm not as nervous as I was before.

The end is near

I've done a lot of praying and consulting with friends over the past month and I think it just comes down to the fact that I don't think I can marry J without hope that he would ever convert.  And I don't see how he would get to that place if he doesn't even try to grow in his own faith besides going to service once a week.  Also this summer he even seemed hesitant about always going to church with me and the kids every week...especially when it came time for high school.  I feel I would be pressuring him to do things like that.  I think I would try to gently prod him...and eventually it would seem like nagging as it has in the past.  I don't feel as torn anymore.  It is just the feeling that I will really miss my best friend....and disappointment because he was so close to perfect.  It makes me worry that I am so picky that I won't ever find anyone and that I'll be alone forever.  <sigh>  Someday I'll be happier on this blog!  I keep asking God to let me keep him longer.  Like today....here I am praying for a snow storm strong enough that I don't have to go there tonight and break up with him.  Funny enough...that seems to be happening.