OK, this just sucks!

Well, they've kind of gone off the deep end.  I did not tell them why J was hesitant in December....cause I didn't want to tear my family apart unneccessarily.  How will she react to the fact that it was because of their disapproval of him and their influence in my life.  I did tell Dad the next day because he guessed.  My mom wants me to basically ask his counselor if J is hiding anything from me.  I think that may be illegal.  They also want J to come to them on his own to apologize and answer some tough questions.  The two friends I've told about this agree that this is more likely to make them dislike him more because they are just looking for things to change my mind about him.  I spent much of Tuesday crying...even at work.  I feel torn in two and feel like I'll never be able to make a good decision under this kind of stress.  I haven't heard really anything from Mom since Tuesday.  She's e-mailed me a couple times without the usual "love" written at the end.  I don't even know how to bridge the gap right now.  I'm going to see my spiritual director tonight and I'm sure they'll want an update but I have no desire to talk to them on the phone or even e-mail them as it probably won't be what they want to hear. 

I know I have to set boundaries with them....I'm just scared right now and constantly feeling guilty.  I chant "I'm sorry God" many time each day.  I don't know how to set boundaries except to not talk to them.  I feel very lost.  Plus, I'm trying to respect their wishes and not see J very much while I'm trying to make an objective choice.  That makes this all the harder to go through, but I am tired of feeling paranoid so I will keep my word on that.