The end is near

I've done a lot of praying and consulting with friends over the past month and I think it just comes down to the fact that I don't think I can marry J without hope that he would ever convert.  And I don't see how he would get to that place if he doesn't even try to grow in his own faith besides going to service once a week.  Also this summer he even seemed hesitant about always going to church with me and the kids every week...especially when it came time for high school.  I feel I would be pressuring him to do things like that.  I think I would try to gently prod him...and eventually it would seem like nagging as it has in the past.  I don't feel as torn anymore.  It is just the feeling that I will really miss my best friend....and disappointment because he was so close to perfect.  It makes me worry that I am so picky that I won't ever find anyone and that I'll be alone forever.  <sigh>  Someday I'll be happier on this blog!  I keep asking God to let me keep him longer.  Like today....here I am praying for a snow storm strong enough that I don't have to go there tonight and break up with him.  Funny enough...that seems to be happening.